How to Read the Person Across from You

We’ve all been in that situation—locked in a critical negotiation, wondering if the other person is telling the truth or hiding something. Sure, you’re trying to read their body language, but what does that one scratch on their head really mean? Are they itchy, nervous, or just bored? If you’re not sure, don’t worry—you’re not alone.
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Reading people is more than just spotting a single gesture or facial expression. It’s about identifying patterns in their behavior and using those patterns to figure out what’s really going on. In this post, we’re breaking down how to get better at reading people so you can walk away from any negotiation with confidence.
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Behavior Patterns Reveal More Than Isolated Actions‍

The first thing to understand when you’re learning how to read people is that one-off actions don’t tell the whole story. If someone scratches their head once, they’re probably just itchy. But if they scratch their head every time they deliver a proposal, then you’ve got a clue that something’s up. Maybe they’re uncomfortable with the offer, or maybe they’re hiding something. Either way, it’s a sign you should pay attention to.
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Reading people effectively means looking for recurring behaviors—patterns that show up when the pressure’s on. The person across from you might tap their foot every time you bring up pricing or avoid eye contact whenever timelines are mentioned. Those consistent behaviors are where the real information lies. They give you insight into what’s making them uncomfortable or uncertain, which is the kind of leverage you need.
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Active Listening Is Your People-Reading Superpower‍

Reading people isn’t just about watching what they do—it’s also about listening to how they speak. This is where active listening comes into play, and it’s an absolute game-changer if you want to get better at reading people. Active listening isn’t just hearing the words being said; it’s about catching the pauses, the shifts in tone, and even the little stumbles.
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For example, if someone starts hesitating every time they bring up a key point, that’s a sign they might not be entirely comfortable. Maybe they’re unsure about what they’re saying, or maybe they’re trying to hide something. But here’s the thing: it’s not about catching a single hesitation. It’s about noticing when those hesitations keep popping up in connection with specific topics. That’s when you know you’ve got something worth digging into.
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Then, Spot the Behavioral Patterns in Real-Time‍

Now that you know what to look for, it’s time to put that knowledge into practice. When you’re in a high-stakes conversation or negotiation, keep an eye out for patterns in the other person’s behavior. Are they fidgeting whenever you talk about deadlines? Do they start speaking faster when you bring up costs? These behaviors don’t happen by accident—they’re usually tied to something that’s making them uneasy.
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The trick is to observe when these behaviors occur and how frequently they happen. If someone only hesitates once or twice in a long discussion, that’s probably nothing. But if they’re consistently fidgeting or dodging eye contact whenever a specific issue comes up, that’s your cue to push a little further.
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Now, Ask the Right Questions to Uncover the Why‍

Once you’ve identified behavior patterns, the next step is to get to the root of what’s causing them. This is where asking the right questions comes into play. Let’s say you notice that the other person always seems to get uncomfortable when discussing project timelines. Instead of letting that slide, ask open-ended questions to draw out more information. You could say something like, “You seem hesitant about the deadline—are there any concerns we need to address?”
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By connecting specific behaviors to key topics, you can get a better read on what’s really driving the other person’s decisions. It’s not just about catching someone in a lie—it’s about understanding their motivations, fears, and priorities so you can adjust your strategy accordingly.
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Mastering the Art of Reading People Is About Seeing the Big Picture

At the end of the day, reading people isn’t about zeroing in on one suspicious gesture or a single moment of hesitation. It’s about piecing together the clues—the recurring patterns, the tone shifts, the body language cues—and using that information to see the bigger picture. The more you practice, the better you’ll get at spotting these patterns and turning them into actionable insights.
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Whether you’re negotiating a business deal or simply trying to get a read on someone’s intentions, focusing on patterns and staying fully engaged in the conversation is the key to understanding the person across from you. And when you master that, you’ll have a serious edge in any interaction.
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